Another Attempt at Self Therapy

Family

2006-05-14T18:38:00.001-04:00

Well today is Mother's Day, and my mother, grandmother, sister, and myself went out to eat and it was enjoyable (the waiter was pretty cute). So at the current time, we are now sitting at the table at my sister's house, recounting the many embarrassing and funny situations that have occured between all of us. (And yes I am typing this as we are all talking about it.) I realize that I have had a pretty interesting life, and I don't remember as much about the early years as my sister, obviously since she is eight years older than me. We have had countless pets, participated in countless sports, beat each other senseless numerous amounts of times, etc. I think the one story that is still sticking and reverberating in my head is the one that my mom had told us about an hour ago. My sister did not like me when I was born, not at all, she was never allowed to bath me or anything because she had threatened to drown me (really, it's funny.) So my mom is an obstetrics nurse, (meaning she works with babies and loves it) and she teaches lamaas classes and infant care classes when she is asked. One of the stories she said she used to tell in order to encourage the mothers to include the older children in the activity and all was that my sister used to use a cabbage patch doll and pretend to breast feed it while my mother breast fed me. Yeah, I laughed, really really hard. It makes me really love my life, my sister and I used to hate each other, but we are best friends now, and no matter what we are always there for each other. My parents are pretty great to us, even though my father can be a douche. My mother is a saint, now granted she has NOT always been like that, she is the most amazing, caring, supportive mother NOW.

I Fear New York

2006-03-24T20:31:00.000-05:00

Well, I had a dream the other night that, unless you actually saw the dream, witnessed it as I had, you might have woken up as petrified as I did. When I relayed it to Watson, she just looked at me and started laughing. Anyways, I shall recount the freaky ass nightmare (cauche mar in french for you french weanies like me )

So my mother and I, in the dream, went to New York City. We were walking around, looking for somewhere to shop. Next thing I know, we are up in the Empire State Building and there is an earthquake. I am freaking out and running down these hundreds of flights of stairs and find my way out on to the streets. Then my mom calls and says she is in the building still. freaking out once again, I run up all the flights of stairs (yeah I wish I were like my dream self haha) and find her at the top, you can feel the building rocking back and forth and hear this metal bending sound. I look back again and she is gone, the phone rings and she is on the street waiting for me ( yes this defies a lot, but hey dreams are freaky). As I run down all the damn steps again, I see women and children singing and skipping and playing, and I am wondering where in gods name all the weed came from because these people have problems, and I tell them to follow me, but they just laugh and go back to playing (?????). I make it to the bottom and as I get onto the street, the building starts to topple and it falls into the river ( I have no clue if it is actually near the river or not). I end up at Laguardia and realize my mom is no where around, and I'm like..............fuck. I woke up at that point, but I had a feeling that something even worse was really going to happen.

I am not a very good storyteller, but hey, oh well. All I know is that that was the first nightmare I have had since I was like 5 and I had the nightmare about the vampire that turned into a spoon when you screamed and it was chasing me and my sister. But yeah, I have an over active imagination, that's is why I am so damn adorable haha

More later, I am getting ready to watch some hockey, and if Chris gets of work later and wants a booze fest, so be it haha

dear lord

2006-02-14T01:00:00.000-05:00

The Sonnet
Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLDf)

Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed?

Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance.

Your exact opposite:
Genghis Khunt

Random Brutal Sex Master

Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so.

You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls.

ALWAYS AVOID: The 5-Night Stand, The False Messiah, The Hornivore, The Last Man on Earth

After the fact.....

2006-01-27T19:32:00.000-05:00

It is pretty sad when I can relate to Stevie Nicks while making friends/enemies with the captain all over again. It's even sadder when I acknowledge this said occurrence. Hancock Hall, and being in it are the main reasons for my perpetual love of Captain Morgan, well that's a pretty bad scapegoat huh? Anyways, so I have been accepted for an internship in Washington D.C. this summer, which I am insanely excited about, until I realize.........FUCK I need to buy more clothes. For those of you who know me and are currently scratching their heads thinking "wait, she doesn't want to buy more clothes???" I know, I nearly had a coronary when I realized this too. But the truth is, I am not exactly making big bucks working 10 hours a week, believe me it is fabulous and all but, clothes are just not a priority now. You can all shut your mouths because you must realize that I am maturing at a gracious rate. I have like 10 years to make up for not maturing quickly enough, it's about time the horomones and brain cells got to work! If only I could say the same for my body, they say that when you lose weight, your breasts get smaller, seriously......mine didn't, they got bigger....and I feel scorned hehe. So I realized that no one ever leaves any comments..........seriously guys, I don't mind, in fact, I rather like it!! So comment away........please??

not a pony but a puppy

2005-12-17T00:36:00.000-05:00

My mom got me a puppy for Christmas..........she always tells me what she gets me before I get home, ruining the point of gift giving. It is going to be church hopping to, right when I get home and then the next morning. I will just be very glad to be home and see my mom and sister. And of course all my friends back home, it has been 4 months..........wow time really flew by this semester, I am already a junior and I can't believe it.

Mom, can you hear me.......I want a pony.

2005-12-07T18:13:00.000-05:00

I have decided that the speakerphone on my cell phone is on of the most amazing inventions ever created! I am currently carrying on a bantering conversation with my mother (as they always are) and typing at the same time. Modern convienences are something to be thankful for, as horrible as that is. Finals are in about a week and a half, which pales my face because I am no where near ready for those, not to mention the tons of papers that are due next week before finals. I think the most annoying thing about this schedule coming up, is that I don't get to go home until Christmas Eve. Well that might be remedied, we are trying to see if there are any flights on Friday out.

Well that's enough for now, in depth is not the way to go for me, and I have way to much studying and writing to get to.

Forces to be reckoned with (yeah I know you are up there big guy...)

2005-11-18T12:04:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, I think the man is on my side, and then I get shoved on my ass for a good laugh, i know he IS having a good chuckle, and I am sure it is against whatever religion they call me and my family. Not the chuckling on his behalf........the me saying it wam him. I have no idea if that makes sense, but whatever.

The possibility of a new job has been presented, hopefully I can do it, less hours, paid a little more, I am only working about 15-16 hours a week but I have had NO time to study and whatnot, I haven't gotten to sleep before 5 at all this week, and it has been really bothering me.

The looming of the oh so wanted and wished for and worshiped 21st birthday is fast and coming, and I can't believe I'm not a teenager anymore........that was like a year or two ago, and it makes me feel extremely old. Wow that makes the parental units ancient, and my sister a dino haha. So I am working for my birthday, not really bothered by that, everyone does it anyways right? As soon as Vicki gets her ass back on campus, then we shall celebrate and watch One Tree Hill and Gilmore Girls, yes that is what we do as our together activity. And it is funny because that is what initially made us really good friends, I can say she is my friend, not just my room mate, and I like that, people who know me from back in the day, well I would hope, thought I was a nice person........like I said, I would hope.

Moody Monday (yes it is Wednesday)

2005-11-10T00:22:00.000-05:00

I can tell this week is going to be one of the worst and best. Only three more days til I go down to Portland for some hockey, food, presents, and my mommy haha. I miss my friends alot, especially my sister and McNaughty and Kristen. I can't wait to get home and get away from everything that has been misguiding me up here, luring me into traps that I can't afford to become ensnared in again. I adore my friends up here, Angela, Chris, Kevin, Vicki, and Marie mean alot to me, more than they may know. My head really hurts today, it feels very dizzy, and I have so much homework to do, work sucks hardcore but I more than need the money. I really miss my parents this year for some reason, even my daddy.

So this is Christmas (or so they say)

2005-11-05T17:40:00.000-05:00

ARGH!!! Fuck Bank of America, that's all I have to say about that........fuck Real Player too and their nonsense website that requires me to call them to cancel stuff I didn't want, but everytime I call......they aren't open...bastards.

Ok so now that I have - $35.44 in my bank account, I know my life sucks, I haven't gotten paid yet.....I need money so I can pay my credit card bills, it's all the mall's fault, damn GAP and American Eagle for having awesome jeans....damn them. So yes, I spent another chunk of money on jeans and a jacket and a few shirts. My mom has given up on teaching me the meaning of frugality and thrift. Damn credit cards too.............they should never give someone under 30 a credit card.........then I wouldn't be further in debt, we musn't forget the college loans.

So to totally go off track like I normally do, I just tried to phone my mother at every number I could possibly think of, the two work numbers, home, cell; she is missing........damn her. And then I tried to call my sister at her home and cell phone number and even work, though I know it's closed. WHERE ARE THOSE MEANIES!!!!!!!!! They get mad at me when I miss their calls even if I am in class, god forbid I don't talk to them for a day, mom calls Campus Police......I swear it has happened, just getting out of the shower and UMO Campus Police knock on my door because my mom is "sick" with worry, hoping no one raped her little girl...........it just gets more amusing the older I get........I am going to be 21 in 15 days............and she is throwing me an early party in Portland on the 12th, because she misses her little girl, she is more excited about it than I am..........and I get to go to a hockey game, this should mean that I will have a great time, too bad I technically won't be 21 for another 8 days after that....oh well. Not to mention I have to work on my birthday and we are going on Thanksgiving Break like 2 days after the fact. I need to get laid, that's all there is to it anymore. I had a spaz attack last night because I find out that I am the only person out of all my friends who hasn't. God that sucks...........in a good way and in a bad way....I suppose. As much as I have to tell my sister everytime I talk to her that no, I am not a lesbian, I do not like girls, and you couldn't pay me a billion dollars to swing that way, I love men, men it will be, always.

cannonball

2005-11-03T17:06:00.000-05:00

So I have been told that writing about whatever you are feeling can help, and it is odd because I write all the time, I have a book just for it and I have had it since I was 13, my mom thought I could use it, she called it a diary, I called it a mockery of self evaluation.....come on.....dear diary, sorry if I am offending anyone who had one and enjoyed it, so I tore the "lock" off and painted all over it, I didn't like the pink. The point of that first sentence is that obviously, I am one screwed up girl.

You know that feeling of total apathy, numbness to everything around you and even yourself? It can swallow you whole and I hate that feeling, I tell people about it and they say, well what's wrong, why don't you talk about it? Because, bastards, I am not one to share the deepest feelings stuck in the recesses of my head, my imagination. I was always a pretty happy person, I have no complaints about life, I take it as it goes one day at a time. But every night, after the days events are over, I wonder if I could have changed the events, what would I change? Sometimes I want nothing to change, sometimes I want to forget about the day all together, and sometimes I just want the day to stay in my memory for a long time. I don't think I will ever really go into detail what goes on in my head, what the days events are, who am I calmly pissed at for the day, what made my day, I will just subtly go on as I am now.

Ever just start listening to some music and the song that happens to be playing can make your mood change, slowly make you remember a similar situation that could tie in closely to the song you happen to be listening to? Unfortunately, that happens to me everyday, since I am a music whore, I can't go through a day without listening to music. Damien Rice does that to me, Coldplay, Dave, Breaking Benjamin, Pete Kilpatrick, the list goes on. When I listen to "What if" from Coldplay, I feel so melancholy for the time being until another song comes on, that same goes for Mulan....don't laugh, when I hear "Reflection" which happens nearly every day, I get depressed (Mulan is one of my favorite movies). Currently I am listening to "Moody Monday" by Damien Rice and that song is rather downbeat, a minor key, but the music really catches me, just making me sway a bit.

In the news.......... Samuel Alito, from PA, is the next Supreme Court Justice nominee, I really don't care anymore.

Riots in Paris have been going on for the past week now in the immigrant communities because they believe two young men died by electrocution because they were trying to run from police and hide, I don't know much about this, only that man young Parisians have been entangled in these riots.

Remember, you can't spell slaughter without laughter

2005-10-21T14:49:00.000-04:00

Isn't it amazing just how sadistic people can be when they put their minds to it?

Well I am just a bundle of joy this week, finally got my job, in desperate need of some fundage, have three tests and a term paper next week, meaning I have to wake up at a reasonable time and go to sleep before midnight............need to stock up on Tylenol PM and nyquil.

News time....

Saddam trial lawyer is found dead

Mr Janabi's identity had not been kept secret

A lawyer who was defending an associate of Saddam Hussein has been found shot dead after he was abducted in Baghdad.

Sadoun Nasouaf al-Janabi, who was seized by gunmen at his office in the Iraqi capital on Thursday evening, had been shot in the head.

The killing has fuelled claims that it will be impossible for the former Iraqi leader to get a fair trial.

Mr Janabi was acting for one of Saddam Hussein's co-defendants, Awad Hamed al-Bandar, a former top judge.

The lawyer's body was found outside the city's Firdous mosque.

The Iraqi government condemned the killing.

'No witness protection'

Badie Izzat Aref, lawyer for former Iraqi Deputy Prime Minister Tariq Aziz, who will also face trial, said: "If they can't protect lawyers, how are they going to defend their clients, and how will witnesses dare to come before the tribunals?"

Saddam Hussein's chief defence strategist, Abdel Haq Alani, an Iraqi lawyer based in Britain, told the BBC: "This incident has proved is what we've been all along saying, that there could be no fair trial in Iraq at this time, there could never be a fair and just trial simply because there's no authority.

"Can anybody imagine that a witness is going to step forward and appear for the defence? If the defence cannot present its witnesses and guarantee safety for them, what kind of a trial is this going to be?

"If lawyers are getting eliminated, executed... how am I going to convince an international lawyer to appear in Iraq in a court and give legal advice on issues of international law of which the Iraqis know very little, including the judges?"

And Miranda Sissons, a senior associate with the International Center for Transitional Justice, told Reuters news agency: "We and other rights groups have long had concerns about an effective witness protection programme for this trial.

"This murder highlights the lack of attention the court is paying to the defence and the defence's offices, which has implications for the equality of the trial."

Anonymous

There was tight security at the court as the trial of Saddam Hussein and his seven co-defendants opened on Wednesday.

Four of the five judges and most of the prosecution lawyers have remained anonymous for safety reasons.

The names of the chief judge and the top prosecutor were the only ones revealed.

But the defence team's identities were not kept secret, and Saddam Hussein's top lawyer, Khalil Dulaimi, said many had been threatened.

The government has now offered protection to any defence lawyer who wants it.

Mr Bandar is one of six Baath party officials being tried along with Saddam Hussein over the killing of Shia Muslim villagers in the town of Dujail north of Baghdad in 1982, following an attempt on the then president's life.

The trial has been adjourned until next month but will hear testimony at the weekend from an ill witness.

Wadah Ismail al-Sheik, who was a top intelligence official under Saddam Hussein, will testify from his hospital bed on Sunday. He has cancer.

__________________________

Well then............I don't know whether or not to feel sorry for the guy................suicide I'm sure, defending one of the most well known despots in history.................yeah, I would have just scoured Saddam's eyes out with a rusty nail, other tourtures..........I mean, yeah so he didn't have WMD in Iraq............THAT DOESN'T MEAN HE ISN'T A SICK AND TWISTED MAN WHO SHOULD PAY!!!!!

__________________________

William to enter military academy

Prince William had to perform aptitude tests

Prince William will join the Army after gaining a place at the military academy at Sandhurst, Clarence House has said.

He was given a place after tests of his mental, physical and emotional aptitude for becoming an officer.

William, 23, is set to join the college in January, after work experience at HSBC bank. His younger brother Harry, 21, is already training at Sandhurst.

William was "absolutely delighted" at securing a place and Prince Charles "very proud", Clarence House said.

Harry joined Sandhurst in May, four months later than planned to allow him to recover from a knee injury, and is due to finish in April.

The princes will be based in different parts of the academy - William with new recruits in Old College and Harry in New College, where cadets are taught in their second and third terms.

_______________________

Damn............that's all I have to say there

_______________________

ok that's about it for now.....

Let's hope I can be the studious student I used to be back in the day............

2005-10-17T12:40:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I wonder how I place myself in these situations. And then the people around me notice the change in mood, wonder what's going on, when I have no intention of going into full detail about anything. It all seems to come together every once in a while and build up, piss me off and then I take it out on people who don't deserve it.

On a semi-lighter note, this will be my area where I just go on about those current events that not many people may have heard about...... cases of the bird flu in 12 swans have been confirmed in Romania. They say over 150 million people could die, but the pandemic can be stopped if governments work together.............great, we are all fucked.

So yeah, now we made enemies with Zimbabwe...........HOW THE HELL DO YOU MAKE ENEMIES WITH ZIMBABWE??

Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe has drawn applause for a speech denouncing Britain's Tony Blair and US President George Bush at a UN event in Rome.

Mr Mugabe used his speech to lambast President Bush and UK Prime Minister Tony Blair, whose governments have been among his severest critics.

"Must we allow these men, the two unholy men of our millennium, who in the same way as Hitler and Mussolini formed [an] unholy alliance, form an alliance to attack an innocent country?" asked Mr Mugabe, apparently referring to Iraq.

"The voice of Mr Bush and the voice of Mr Blair can't decide who shall rule in Zimbabwe, who shall rule in Africa, who shall rule in Asia, who shall rule in Venezuela, who shall rule in Iran, who shall rule in Iraq," he said.

Mr Mugabe said his land reforms, which enabled the government to seize hundreds of farms owned mostly by white Zimbabweans, had been part of a process to correct colonial injustices.

He blamed agricultural subsidies offered to farm produce from developed countries for crippling "the development of agriculture in developing countries".

Delegates applauded Mr Mugabe at the end of his speech.

Here it goes again.....

And the last hurricane.........well whatever, Wilma, is gonna hit Mexico, it ties the record for most recorded named storms.

HAS ANYONE THOUGHT ABOUT WHY EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING.......global warming...........what global warming??